Feeling my worst. Trying to stay my best mentally. My child & I are home alone this weekend. I had to tell my child the “just in case” talk and it broke my heart to have to. I used pain meds I haven’t touched in almost a year. I’m miserable. And my poo has allergies. Le sigh. It’s temporary.
I went in to the job today for work on event that I had my “responsibilities” taken over for because of concerns about my health (those words and others that violate the ADA used, but verbally, one-on-one, with no proof.) An event I’ve worked on since November and is this Thursday. My responsibilities were taken over this past Thursday. I’m still getting emails Saturday morning from the head of the event who apparently didn’t get the memo I’m not lead coordinator. So I spent my Sunday working my ass off. Getting ahead on Monday so no one can say I missed a beat. Be two steps ahead, always. Doing what they think I can’t or won’t do because of my DISABILITIES.
3 of the 4 illness I’m diagnosed with are labeled by the U.S. Government as disabilities. But I can somehow can and do and don’t need disability benefits. So I say no when asked if I’m disabled. Not on government forms. But don’t play me, the ADA or EEOC. Don’t take away work I can and am willing to do because I have to move a little slower. I walk slower because it hurts less, but I’ll sprint if I have to.
Texas strong, Ford tough. I’m a living slogan.
UPDATE (5/8/13): After I went to HR yesterday, my boss tells me today I’m back on the event…which is tomorrow and I’m a week out of the full loop on. I said ok and got up to speed on my duties and will be there early am. Feel like they’re trying to “test me.” Bring it.
I’m back here again. I’ve already lamented about my POTS being on the fritz. Now I’m seeing that I’m tachycardic during seizures again as well. And having at least 5 seizures an hour. And the intractable burning pain that won’t go away but stayed at a 1-2 for several months after staying at a 10 for a WHILE… it’s now living at an 8. Oh well… work tomorrow. Let me say my prayers and get in bed.
I’ve been loved in many ways by men. I’ve been loved a little. I’ve been loved with the whole of someone’s heart and very being. I loved just as hard.
The one kind of love I have never felt, is loved unconditionally. Not a “despite your flaws” I love you, but a “because your flaws make you who you are, the whole of you is loved” love.
Unconditional next time. Now I know. And I’ll love just as hard.
Whooo hoo! My hospital has an Electrophysiologist who treats POTS patients!! Just have to dig out medical records only dealing with my heart. I need to catalog those suckers. Dewey decimal system out here.
expect more than the bare minimum on day one. simple.